These people keep sending me the harshest rejection letters—but I guess I’m asking for it. I should never have submitted to them.
The void awaits us all, but your prose was a gaping hole of premature death. From your submission darkness seeped, the groaning collapse of the inept, in throes. It shocked us into brain-dead spasms, and we only recovered when a cat happened to jump on the keyboard and hit delete.
We kindly ask that you not submit again.
But one thing remains to be known: what rough beast slouches at your keyboard?
This letter and others like it are provided by the Rejection Generator Project, a free service designed to help writers of all levels “maintain a high RI, or rejection immunity.” Because for writers there are only three certainties: death, taxes*, and rejection.
* Actually, scratch this one; most writers will never get paid for their work.